Out of the blue, Bryson came up to us the other day and expressed a desire he’s had for awhile now*. He said he’d given it a lot of thought and had carefully considered all of his options. His conclusion? He was ready to upgrade from the naked look. The green collar with white paw prints, while classic, was just not fashion-forward enough for him.
Because we’re fantastic parents, we listened, nibbled on his ear and granted his wish. It’s pretty clear we hit it out of the park.
We matched his rich skin tone to the blinding hot pink to really make both colors pop. We learned on plenty of style shows that clothes should be specifically tailored for your body type, so Clayton used some medical scissors to cut off the sleeves, and voila! It’s Douchebag Chic. It finally made it all the way from the Jersey Shore down to our neck of the woods.
We’re thinking that tomorrow we’ll take him to the gym so he can stand six inches from the mirror doing bicep curls with a dumbbell that is 20 pounds too heavy for him while grunting so loud the room shakes. Then we’ll head out to stock up on pastel polo shirts with the collars pre-popped. So, yeah, our schedule’s pretty full.
This was his response when we asked him to cut back on all that tanning.
Seriously, it’s like one kickin’ outfit and we have a celebutante on our hands.
*I cannot confirm or deny this actually happened. I can confirm that Bryson’s overwhelming allergies have caused him to scratch uncontrollably for the past three weeks and consequently lose patches of hair from his body. Because we’re realistic and know that good looks account for 75% of life success, we had to put an end to that. I also wanted to finally justify the $40 doggie skin cream the vet dermatologist talked me into buying. The shirt discourages the scratching and the licking of expensive skin care treatments. While it might not be easy on the eyes, it’s certainly preferable to a cone around his head.