Category Archives: Five for Friday

Five for Friday

Addie was sick most of this week, so we didn’t make the usual rounds. It was tough to keep her calm in the house all day, so we still made it out for exciting field trips like the “wash car.”

1. I was proofing a project and read this:
No cut-off jeans or any other apparel, which tends to fray, is permitted to be worn in the pool or spa.

Naturally, I thought of this. I sure do miss Arrested Development watch parties on Mondays.

2. I really want to be on the York Peppermint Patty train because Clayton loves them. But every time I bite into one, I pretty much have this realization:

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I also wasted (invested?) a solid hour of my life on that account this week. Making sarcastic cards for a living is what one might call nirvana for me.

3. This week was the second time I used the Walmart grocery pick-up service and maybe it’s how I will buy the majority of our groceries until the end of time forever and ever amen. Or until my children don’t require multiple restraints and bribery to make it through a shopping trip without incident. It’s especially convenient for bulky items like diapers, cases of bottled water and detergent, which I literally have to carry around the store in one hand because there’s no space when I have Asher or both kids. First world problem to the max, but whatevs, throw it right there in the back of my SUV while I instagram this latte, thank you very much.

4. When dinosaurs and awkward torsos attack.

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5. When it’s so far past their bedtime you ignore that they’re recreating the EXACT scenario that appears on the warning label.

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(The top wasn’t on and it was sideways…I’m not that cray, guys.)

We are hoping to break in the kayak this weekend and suffer through another lackluster Florida State performance. Don’t even get me started on the Dolphins or the delusional fan that shares my home. Happy Friday the 13th!

Six for Saturday

Sorry I missed you fine folks yesterday. I was busy writing for people who actually pay me for it, so…sorry not sorry?

1. Meet Coconut Bubba. He was a free gift we picked up at a festival a few weeks ago. Addison became attached to him immediately, named him (rather creatively) and has since been dressing him in complete outfits. She was wasting so many of her own clothes on C.B. that I had to pull out two buckets of her old baby clothes she could use instead.

IMG_0451Maya took a liking to Coconut Bubba, too, except that affection resulted in the loss of his eye buttons.

2. Related: If I forget to put out Addison’s outfit for the next day, she’ll pick up the slack and create her own ensemble. The problem comes when her choices are a bit…festive for school or open gym.

IMG_0448 I don’t like stifling her creativity, so I’m trying to delicately suggest alternatives to tutus all day every day. And other days, I’m more “Throw some leggings underneath and let’s go.”

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A future in fashion, perhaps? Or clowning. Much of my life is spent trying not to be a Mitch.

3. C’mon, man.

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There’s no sense in fighting it at this point. Clayton’s cleaning the pool this weekend, so at least there will be one outdoor activity I’ll consider. 

4. Halloween was hot. Like, temperature hot, not “wow, that mom looks smokin’ in that old nightgown barely covering her see through tights” hot. The first neighborhood we hit was unresponsive, so we bailed like the socially mature adults we are and came back home to walk around our neighborhood. Addie did quite well for herself in terms of the chocolate to pretzel packs ratio, though a hefty 35.7% Mommy Tax will be enforced daily.

IMG_0397IMG_0402IMG_0404IMG_04095. It’s well documented that I hate cooking, but when I do find some motivation, I consult this book a lot. Either I’m using the recipes or I’m flipping through the index for the page on “how to caramelize on onion” or “what is a meat mallet?”

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6. And this super exciting, very recent development brought to you by our Friday night.

Clayton spent the day at a charity golf tournament. It stretched on into the evening…

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but so worth the solo bath and bed time routine.

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Papa’s got a brand new KAYAK!!! Maybe not hating on those warmer November temperatures quite so much. Paddleboard + Kayak = true paddling love.

Today we’re breaking away kid-free for the first time this season to watch the FSU/Clemson game. So basically we’ll know around 6:30 tonight if this weekend will be a wonderful one or a terrible one.

Oh, who am I kidding? We have a freaking kayak, it’s a WONDERFUL weekend! 

Five for Friday

It’s late. What’s new.

1. I don’t always buy my lingerie at Goodwill, but when I do…it’s under $4. (Halloween prep at its classiest.)

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2. It was ALL KINDS OF HALLOWEENY up in here this week.

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3. Nightmares for days.

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Seriously, I watched “Beetlejuice” for the first time last week in anticipation of this costume and it is banana nuts! WTF is going on in that movie?!

4. We made our annual fall trek to the farm last weekend. It was significantly hotter this year than any other year we’ve gone, so while we tried our best to grin and bear it…

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by the end we all pretty much felt like Addie.

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“Are we done here?” But alas, any trip that ends at Capital Tacos is a trip well worth it.

5. And the scariest event of all is Asher deciding he’s almost ready to crawl.

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Not ready for ya, bro.

Halloween obviously has top billing this weekend. Per usual, we have a family theme and are planning to crush it. Mainly because we’ll be the only ones over 12 dressed up, but..details, details. And then the most glorious holiday on the calendar appears: November eat all the leftover chocolate week. 

Five for Friday

This week was a typical blend of fun, work and tantrums, with a little mini fall fashion shopping trip thrown into the mix. Even though it’s 88 degrees. I’m tryyyyyying, promise. 

1. Hello, lovers.

booties

(Source)

2. On Monday night I asked Addison what she wanted to do the next day. Without hesitation she said, “I want to go somewhere fancy and wear a pretty dress.” So that’s what we did. Despite the warning that fancy places involve a lot of sitting still and being calm, it was still a challenge to keep the butt in that pretty dress in the fancy seat for the entirety of our brunch. But there was spinning and browsing and grass lying, and it was one of my most favorite mornings.

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3. And then dinos! Any time we hang out with people, the friends are all about the stuff, and Addie is all about the friends. It works well.

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4. I really hope reefermane was sober enough to evaluate DC’s hammy accurately by his bowling technique. And also, STOP BOWLING AND KEEP FOAM ROLLING, DALVIN.

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5. Are you watching “Black-ish?” Clayton and I love it. This week’s episode about white and black church was particularly amusing since we can totally relate. I think they do a great job of making fun of everyone without creating those weird “am I allowed to laugh at this?” moments. Everyone is in on the joke. And Diane is tiny precocious perfection.

Lots of fall-infused fun this weekend! Hopefully I don’t sweat through my plaid.

Five for Friday

Yesterday was supposed to be a stay-home-and-veg kind of day. It ended up turning into a stay-home-and-try-not-to-evict-my-toddler-while-scrubbing-baby-poop kind of day. And so it goes. However, the rest of the week has been rather delightful. Let’s focus on that.

1. Happy Columbus Day to us! My dad had the day off, so I picked Addie up early and off we went. The weather by the water was perfect, but my calves are still sore from the jaunt up the huge hill with Asher strapped to me. The gym is calling my name again.

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2. Tuesday we were up and out early for Addison’s school pictures, so we made a day of it and went to the museum. They were making blubber, woop woop! It was awesome until it found its way onto our carpet, all up in some fingernails and onto Clayton’s outdoor “practice facility” aka his putting green (a whole post in itself).

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3. As I get older, I realize I only want the types of friendships where I can show up early for a family dinner, let myself and my kids into their house and start making a pot of black beans before they ever come home. And when they walk in, they’re not even surprised.

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4. Thursday night goals vs. reality (See intro above.)

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5. This woman devoted her life to her children and grandchildren. She is in the process of moving out of the house she has lived in for decades, and I imagine it’s a surreal, uncomfortable transition. But baby cuddles cure a multitude of ills.

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What I’m most excited about this weekend is pizza.

Five for Friday

It’s cute that all over the country people are donning their plaid and “enjoying the weather before winter comes,” but…

1. If I hear one more person that lives anywhere near my zip code say anything along the lines of, “Fall is here!” or “I’m so excited it feels like fall outside!” I may lose it.

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This does not a fall day make. We should probably move. Again.

2. But it’s not all sour grapes over here. Last Saturday was particularly gorgeous (but still, it was like a spring day, not a fall day). We made a little trek to what was advertised as a big festival-type event, but the ad way overpromised. Our first clue that the content was copy/pasted from a previous event should have been the part that mentioned meeting Santa Claus.

There wasn’t much going on, so we quickly hit the hot spots (free teddy bear that Addie is still carrying around), picked up lunch and drove to a nearby park.

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3. Since I somehow missed that genetic mutation for white girls making them obsessed with pumpkin, I actually don’t like it. However, I’m not above the magnetic draw of a Starbucks seasonal flavor. I want a toasted graham latte every single day until March.

4. We hit up the farm this week with some friends. I assumed that because the horses were all out in the open, completely accessible with no signage beyond “Hi, I’m Mabel,” that they were safe to pet or, I don’t know, stand next to. And then this beast tried to nip the fingers off my kid.

IMG_9875Okay, truthfully I know nothing about horses; maybe it was trying to sniff her or whisper something to her? But I do know that it sort of sputtered, jerked its head toward her and I saw teeth. Thank you, Thunder, for the lifelong equine phobia my daughter has to look forward to.

But these two were the sweetest together, so there’s that. It’s really insane that in a few months, they will be the same age as my friend and I were when we met.

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5. I may sound like a bitter autumn scrooge, but look at me being festive.

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This weekend’s to-do? BEAT MIAMI.

Five for Friday

Just kickin’ it watching “Box Trolls” with the fam on this Friday evening.

1. Really wishing the Rays had scored six runs last night because ain’t nobody getting up from pretend sleeping on the couch to cook dinner tonight.

2. This week was Spirit Week at Addie’s school, and you know we are all about some costumes.

Sports Day

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Definitely vetoed the Dolphins cheerleading outfit after their piss poor start to the season.

Around the World Day (she was a “flamingo” dancer)

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3. Asher’s first dip in the pool last weekend.

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His reactionary spectrum is pretty much
“I’ll allow it.” <——————————–> “I’m into it.”

Because of his general mellowness, it’s often hard to tell where he falls. From this picture, it’s unclear if it was the best or worst experience of his life.

He’s cute, so he gets a free pass on being emotionally unavailable. (Said every lead actress in a romantic comedy.)

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4. Becoming best buds one elbow to the face at a time.

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5. Bought some new post baby jeans (these and these) and learned the very hard way that, on me, distressed boyfriend jeans look like my boyfriend is an obese contractor morally opposed to doing laundry. Also: low rise, you’re dead to me, you foul skin squeezing confidence sucker.

GUYS. It’s not going to be 90 degrees this weekend! Watch out world, the Noas are coming out to play.

Five for Friday on Saturday

Let’s pretend it’s still Friday and not halfway to another Monday, mmkay?

1. Last weekend the man and I had a lovely date night.We started with a romantic dinner followed by questionable fashion choices, heavy duty trash talking and many mortifying celebratory dance moves.

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We had bumpers and one of us still didn’t hit 100 in any of our three games. I swear I used to be an athlete.

2. Asher had a specialty doctor appointment (nothing serious), and this little guy is for real, with no exaggeration, the best baby on the planet. He didn’t even start fussing until the procedure had to be repeated. By that time, I was fussing more than he was.

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Don’t judge a book by its lips.

3. I’m embarrassed by how true this rings in my life. To be fair, I do wear workout clothes in the hope that already being dressed will eliminate one of the excuses to avoid exercising. It works about 50% of the time. But I can be sure that Clayton will now chant in a horrendous British accent, “Active wear! Active wear!” 100% of the time.

4. My master plan is falling perfectly into place and all my friends are finding themselves with a similar schedule to ours during the week. This week that meant MOSI and the splash park.

Just a little aircraft maneuvering, no biggie.

FullSizeRender_1 This picture made my life. That stink eye game is LEGIT.

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Don’t worry, he cheered up when I told him he could smile, too.

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Two years ago, almost exactly, at this park. Tear drop.

A hyde park gate

5. Kicks.

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6. Bonus for being late: Listen to this song and try to accept that it’s been almost 20 years since it came out.

I hope you’re spending all weekend being inactive in your active wear. Just me?

Five for Friday

1. How all women feel when stepping on a scale.

IMG_9609 2. I am kind of obsessed with my new pair of workout/picking up Addison/cleaning the kitchen/napping capris. JCPenney, who knew?! Now, the obnoxious level of neon may have a little (i.e. everything) to do with this, but while wearing these, I caught a fella checking out the goods for the first time since college probably. That is some serious supernatural fabric wizardry for this postpartum, anti-cardio physique.

3. We went to MOSI this week and it was sort of the best time ever. There is an entire secret building for younger kids that I completely missed the last time I took Addison. It’s basically a museum within the museum and we couldn’t do it all in the two hours we were there. But we did manage Asher’s first trip to space.

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The lighting sucks on the moon, btw.

4. This week has been a fun little experiment: Addie vs. the fall decorations. Clayton started putting out the various accoutrements, and I told him that was a bad idea. They’d be gone or missing or eaten within 24 hours. He persisted, so I acquiesced with the agreement that I would not be touching any of the decorations as they inevitably get strewn about the house multiple times a day. And I stuck to my guns.

With all that free time not picking up plastic pumpkins, I was able to document my being right. Win win!

A seasonal counting riddle – how many pumpkins does it take to drive your father crazy? Also, that cart can now park in the handicapped spaces because it’s down to three wheels.

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The scarecrow found a front row seat for Daniel Tiger.

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And then I caught the cute caper in the act.

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Related: my book “Using Your Children as Pawns to Gain the Upper Hand in Your Marriage” should be hitting shelves soon.

5. Comic Sans My Friendship.

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Also, blue. Also, bold. Also, STOP IT.

FSU plays tonight, so that accounts for our Friday and frees up our Saturday for a highly sought after date night. If you even have to ask what we’re doing Sunday, then you haven’t really been paying attention, now have you? (#dolphins)

Five for Friday

Comin’ at ya late today so I won’t waste time with niceties.

1. Last weekend Asher was dedicated at church. When Addison was dedicated we invited everyone on our Facebook friends lists and threw a huge party. This time, being the equitable parents we are, we didn’t take one photo. Sigh. Hopefully Asher forgives us if we agree to go halfsies on his future therapy.

asher dedication 2. Speaking of…happy four months to that little chunk!

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I got him crinkly table paper to celebrate and he loved it.

3. After the dedication Sunday, we spent the day at the suite where my parents were staying for their anniversary. Romance crashers, party of four. Naturally, the rain spoiled most of our pool and beach plans, but we were able to take Addison swimming for a bit before dinner and the view wasn’t too terrible.

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4. I escaped for a short respite one night this week and ended up scribbling some prose while jamming to Van Morrison. It felt like so many nights in college when I drove around late at night with overpriced coffee waiting for the poem to strike. And, like always, I was intoxicated by freedom and inspired by possibility.

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5. I braved the mall with a free range toddler. Addison was enamored with this pink suitcase and rolled that thing up and down the aisles. She was quite chatty with the mannequin about her find, and we were able to pick out all the items we’d need to put in her suitcase for our imaginary big trip. I don’t know the precise destination that would require a crock pot, rice cooker and fry pan (we were waiting in the kitchen department), but we will certainly be well fed when we get there.

addie suitcase

And here’s the first text I ever received from her, using my dad’s phone.

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In a few decades, we’re going to discover that’s a brilliant code to solve one of science’s greatest mysteries…hopefully the first hair product that is actually resistant to humidity because, you know, priorities.

I hope your weekend is as awesome as crinkly table paper.